The Most Explicit Songs About Dicks, by the Numbers
This leaderboard has no opinions in it, only arithmetic. We counted the distinct explicit words each song uses for the organ, in any language, and sorted by that number, with words per minute breaking ties. A chorus sung six times counts once, because a track that says one word forty times is not forty times more explicit, merely forty times more tiring. Big Ten Inch Record, Candy Shop and Whistle are missing on purpose: they never say the word, and they have a list of their own.
- 1
The Penis Song (Not the Noël Coward Song)
Monty Python · 1983 · 0:57YouTubeSixty seconds, eight different words for it, and a dinner jacket. The densest track on the list by a mile.
- 2
Sucer la bite
Lorenzo · 2018 · 3:15Track eleven of a number-one album is a chorus with one idea, and the idea is in the title, in full.
- 3
Community Property
Steel Panther · 2009 · 3:37YouTubeA power ballad in which his heart belongs to her and his "cock" is declared "community property", in the chorus, in those words.
- 4
Ex-Boyfriend
Lil Dicky · 2013 · 4:27YouTubeA million views in a day for a man who cannot stop thinking about his girlfriend's ex, specifically one part of him.
- 5
Cock Pushups
Tenacious D · 1999 · 0:48A fitness routine you can only do once, explained by Jack Black with the total conviction of a personal trainer on commission.
- 6
Mein schöner Hodensack
Die Kassierer · 2003 · 1:38YouTubeNinety-eight seconds of Bochum punks serenading a scrotum, from a band that has been doing this sort of thing since 1985.
- 7
Letter to My Penis
Rodney Carrington · 1998 · 2:02YouTubeA country comedian writes a letter of complaint to his penis. The penis writes back, and it has notes.
- 8
Dick
StarBoi3 feat. Doja Cat · 2021 · 2:54YouTubeA SoundCloud leftover that TikTok promoted to a major-label single, titled with the one word no radio host could say out loud.
- 9
Put It in Your Mouth
Akinyele feat. Kia Jeffries · 1996 · 3:21YouTubeNever a hit, never on pop radio, and still going thirty years later on the strength of one instruction, issued politely.
- 10
LMS
Kool Savas · 1999 · 3:21YouTubeThree letters, one instruction, two bans: Germany's youth-protection board indexed it in 1999 and, twenty-five years later, renewed the paperwork.
- 11
She Loves My Cock
Jackyl · 1992 · 3:52YouTubeA Georgia Kmart refused a Platinum album over this song, so the band played the car park. The "cock", they insist, is a rooster.
- 12
Esporrei na Manivela
Raimundos · 1995 · 4:08YouTubeOn a Platinum album, Brazil's biggest hardcore band reports an accident with a crank handle, using the crudest verb Portuguese has.
- 13
Dick Almighty
2 Live Crew · 1989 · 4:53YouTubeOn the first album a US federal court ruled obscene, this is the chorus. The court lost on appeal; the dick did not.
- 14
Me pica un huevo
Siniestro Total · 1983 · 1:45YouTubeA minute and forty-five seconds about an itchy testicle, from the band that taught Spanish rock to be funny.
- 15
Sugalumps
Flight of the Conchords · 2009 · 2:12YouTubeTwo New Zealanders advertise their "sugalumps" in the style of the Black Eyed Peas, with the confidence of men selling a timeshare.
- 16
Dick in a Box
The Lonely Island feat. Justin Timberlake · 2006 · 2:38YouTubeAn Emmy-winning three-step gift-wrapping tutorial, and the only song on this list with a craft component.
- 17
Big Balls
AC/DC · 1976 · 2:38YouTubeBon Scott, in an aristocrat's voice, hosts the most sustained double meaning in hard rock: the finest "balls" in high society.
- 18
J'ai la quéquette qui colle
Les Mules · 1999 · 2:40YouTubeTwo friends improvised it in a car on the way to a party; it became France's first viral song, then a ringtone, then a CD.
- 19
My Dick
Mickey Avalon feat. Dirt Nasty & Andre Legacy · 2006 · 3:00YouTubeThree minutes of comparative anatomy, delivered as a series of brand endorsements for one product.
- 20
Short Dick Man
20 Fingers feat. Gillette · 1994 · 3:21YouTubeA 1994 dance hit that spends three minutes reviewing one man's dimensions, and the review is not good.
- 21
Tu veux mon zizi
Francky Vincent · 2009 · 3:18YouTubeA 2004 album track nobody noticed became a number-six hit in 2009 once it was renamed after its chorus, which is an offer.
- 22
Peacock
Katy Perry · 2010 · 3:52YouTubeThe pun is the whole song, and the chorus makes very sure you know which half of "peacock" she means.
- 23
Big Energy
Latto · 2021 · 2:53YouTubeLatto took the internet's favourite three-word compliment, put the two printable words in the title, and rode them to number three.
- 24
Blah Blah Blah
Kesha feat. 3OH!3 · 2010 · 2:52YouTubeA top-ten hit in which Kesha tells a man to stop talking and show her where his dick is, which is not a metaphor.
- 25
Wait (The Whisper Song)
Ying Yang Twins · 2005 · 3:00YouTubeA top-twenty hit whispered throughout, in which the thing she is told to wait for is his dick, named in a library voice.
- 26
Detachable Penis
King Missile · 1992 · 3:23YouTubeThe definitional entry: a man loses his detachable penis at a party, retraces his steps, and buys it back for seventeen dollars.
- 27
Le Zizi
Pierre Perret · 1974 · 3:57YouTubeEvery French radio station refused it until one didn't, and half a million people bought a sex-ed lesson on the penis with no crude word.
- 28
Please Warm My Weiner
Bo Carter · 1935 · 3:00YouTubeRecorded in 1935. The blues did not wait for anyone's permission, and neither did the "wiener".
- 29
Pussy
Rammstein · 2009 · 3:59YouTubeRammstein's first German number one has an English chorus, so the whole world could understand exactly one line of it.
- 30
Kissing Willie
Jethro Tull · 1989 · 3:33YouTubeIan Anderson wrote a Benny Hill spoof for his prog band, took it to number six on US rock radio and waved carrots, for clarity.
- 31
Captain Hook
Megan Thee Stallion · 2020 · 2:57YouTubeTwo Platinum certifications for a nickname. Megan Thee Stallion likes a "curve", and the pirate with the "hook" got the job.
- 32
Deepthroat
CupcakKe · 2015 · 3:19Twenty-three million views for a fellatio tutorial delivered with the authority of an airline safety briefing, which is how a Chicago teenager became CupcakKe.
- 33
My Ding-a-Ling
Chuck Berry · 1972 · 4:17YouTubeThe only US number one of Chuck Berry's career, and it is a sing-along about his "ding-a-ling".
- 34
La argentinidad al palo
Bersuit Vergarabat · 2004 · 5:29YouTubeA number-one album whose title says Argentina is at full erection, in an idiom the dictionary traces to exactly that.
- 35
Anaconda
Nicki Minaj · 2014 · 4:20YouTubeThe biggest song on the list, and it is mostly about something else. The "anaconda" gets one line, and makes the most of it.
- 36
John Holmes (una vita per il cinema)
Elio e le Storie Tese · 1989 · 4:09YouTubeItaly's defining comedy band wrote a biography of the most famous penis in film history and made it all up, except the measurements.
- 37
Saint-Valentin
Orelsan · 2007 · 4:02YouTubeA MySpace-era track whose chorus turns Valentine's Day into a demand for oral sex, and which its author now refuses to perform.
Thumbnails: cover art © the labels and artists, or a credited artist photo where a song has no cover; full credits are on each song page. Playlist tiles are our own artwork. Rights holders: email support@ratewithai.co and we will remove an image promptly.
Asked
- What is the most explicit song about a dick?
- By distinct explicit words, The Penis Song (Not the Noël Coward Song) by Monty Python: 8 explicit words, 2× repeated, in 0:57. A chorus repeated forty times counts once, so the winner is the song with the most different words for it.
- Which songs were banned for being about it?
- The BBC banned George Formby's With My Little Stick of Blackpool Rock in 1937 and later Max Romeo's Wet Dream, every French station refused Le Zizi until December 1974, and a federal judge in Florida ruled 2 Live Crew's As Nasty as They Wanna Be obscene in 1990, a ruling overturned on appeal.
- Does innuendo count?
- Not here. Innuendo has no natural unit, so it stays a labelled judgement call on each song page and never enters this count or RMD's score.