Songs That Are Secretly About a Dick
No song on this page says the word. That is the whole qualification: the lyric names a "whistle", a "lollipop", a "disco stick" or a Polish "sausage", and radio plays it, which is how Candy Shop spent nine weeks at number one in the United States while a nation pretended to be thinking about confectionery. Where the artist has confirmed the meaning, the song is labelled documented. The Stroke and Gelato al cioccolato are the ones to argue about: their makers say they mean something else, and nobody believes them.
- 1
Whistle
Flo Rida · 2012 · 3:45YouTubeA number one in five countries asking her to blow his "whistle", kept radio-clean by never once saying what the whistle is.
- 2
Candy Shop
50 Cent feat. Olivia · 2005 · 3:29YouTubeNine weeks at number one for a trip to the "candy shop", where the only sweet on offer is 50 Cent.
- 3
Rude Boy
Rihanna · 2010 · 3:43YouTubeFive weeks at number one for a chorus in which Rihanna conducts a job interview with the rude boy's dick, and expects answers.
- 4
LoveGame
Lady Gaga · 2009 · 3:36YouTubeThe rare top-five hit whose writer explained the euphemism herself: the "disco stick" is a penis, and Lady Gaga said so on the record.
- 5
Too Close
Next · 1998 · 4:18YouTubeAmerica's biggest single of 1998 is about an erection on a dancefloor, and radio played it for months before anyone checked.
- 6
Lollipop
Lil Wayne feat. Static Major · 2008 · 4:59YouTubeA Grammy-winning number one whose central image is a "lollipop", for reasons that have nothing to do with confectionery.
- 7
Magic Stick
Lil' Kim feat. 50 Cent · 2003 · 6:00YouTubeA number-two hit built on one metaphor, a "magic stick", sustained for six minutes without a single coffee break.
- 8
Mein Teil
Rammstein · 2004 · 4:36YouTubeA Grammy-nominated single about the Rotenburg cannibal, whose title means "my part" and, in German slang, the part he ate.
- 9
Kobra
Donatella Rettore · 1980 · 3:27YouTubeRettore wrote it after a man said women can't compete because men have the "cobra", which she says is always current, provided it rises.
- 10
Big Ten Inch Record
Bull Moose Jackson · 1952 · 2:15YouTubeA man boasts about his "big ten inch" for two minutes, adding "record" at the last possible second. Aerosmith repeated the trick in 1975.
- 11
Love Gun
KISS · 1977 · 3:17YouTubePaul Stanley wrote a song about his "love gun" and sang it with the straight face of a man reading out a weather report.
- 12
Pony
Ginuwine · 1996 · 5:25YouTubeTimbaland's first great beat is a croaking bass noise under a man offering himself as a "pony", saddle included and ride available.
- 13
Mayores
Becky G feat. Bad Bunny · 2017 · 3:23YouTubeTwo and a half billion views for a song about older men and a size line that, Becky G insists, concerns kissing.
- 14
Big Long Slidin' Thing
Dinah Washington · 1954 · 2:59YouTubeOstensibly about a trombone. The Queen of the Blues knew precisely which "big long slidin' thing" she was singing about.
- 15
Fernande
Georges Brassens · 1972 · 3:41YouTubeOne of France's great songwriters wrote a refrain about which women give him an erection, and the nation filed it under poetry.
- 16
Kielbasa
Tenacious D · 2001 · 3:00YouTubeA Platinum album opens with a love song to a Polish sausage, sung with power-ballad gravity. The sausage is Jack Black's.
- 17
Tube Snake Boogie
ZZ Top · 1981 · 3:04YouTubeBilly Gibbons says a "tube snake" is a surfboard, then adds that it is first cousin to a "tube steak", which is not a surfboard.
- 18
Una luna de miel en la mano
Virus · 1985 · 5:21YouTubeArgentina's most elegant new-wave band asked their lyricist for words, and he said they would be about masturbation. They are.
- 19
Les Sucettes
France Gall · 1966 · 2:34YouTubeSerge Gainsbourg wrote a song about aniseed "lollipops" for an eighteen-year-old, who found out what it meant from everyone but him.
- 20
Sledgehammer
Peter Gabriel · 1986 · 5:12YouTubeThe most-awarded music video ever made is five minutes of innuendo that you sang along to, loudly, as a child.
- 21
Lick My Love Pump
Spinal Tap · 1984 · 1:06YouTubeA delicate piano piece in D minor, the saddest of all keys, ruined beyond repair by its title.
- 22
Long John Blues
Dinah Washington · 1949 · 3:12YouTubeA top-three R&B hit about a dentist named "Long John" and his "drill", reviewed by a deeply satisfied patient.
- 23
Lepo Lepo
Psirico · 2013 · 3:22YouTubeThe song of Carnival 2014: a broke man whose only asset is his "lepo lepo", a word Brazil defined within a week.
- 24
King Size Papa
Julia Lee and Her Boy Friends · 1948 · 2:40YouTubeNine weeks at number one on the 1948 R&B chart for a size boast whose jazz-giant writer would not put his name on it.
- 25
Plaster Caster
KISS · 1977 · 3:27YouTubeGene Simmons wrote a song volunteering for the woman who made plaster casts of rock stars' penises. She never cast his.
- 26
With My Little Stick of Blackpool Rock
George Formby · 1937 · 3:07YouTubeThe BBC banned it in 1937, which did not stop one of Britain's best-paid entertainers waving his "stick of rock" at the nation for years.
- 27
Gelato al cioccolato
Pupo · 1979 · 3:18YouTubeThe singer says it is about oral sex with a man the lyricist met in Tunisia; the lyricist says it is about a pudding.
- 28
Pau que Nasce Torto / Melô do Tchan
É o Tchan · 1995 · 3:55YouTubeThe medley that launched the biggest axé act of the 1990's rests on a crooked-stick proverb. In Brazil, "pau" is never just a stick.
- 29
Le Plastique c'est fantastique
Elmer Food Beat · 1990 · 3:22YouTubeFrance's unofficial condom anthem, from a band whose debut album was called 30 cm, which was also a joke, and also a boast.
- 30
Wet Dream
Max Romeo · 1968 · 2:47YouTubeThe BBC played it twice, banned it, and watched it reach the top ten anyway. Max Romeo said it was about a leaky roof.
- 31
The Lemon Song
Led Zeppelin · 1969 · 6:19YouTubeA "lemon" that ran from Robert Johnson in 1937 to Led Zeppelin II in 1969, and the juice is still running.
- 32
Chupa que é de uva
Aviões do Forró · 2011 · 3:05YouTubeA forró chorus that says "suck it, it's grape", from the genre that turned the double entendre into a dance step.
- 33
Ti si mangiate la banana
Leone Di Lernia · 1994 · 4:27YouTubeA Barese dialect parody of a Eurodance hit in which somebody has eaten the "banana", and every Italian over thirty can tell you who.
- 34
The Stroke
Billy Squier · 1981 · 3:38YouTubeBilly Squier says it is about the record business. He has said so for forty years. Nobody in the arena has believed him once.
- 35
Slide It In
Whitesnake · 1984 · 3:21YouTubeDavid Coverdale has called the title anatomically conversant and clarified, when pressed, that it is not about bananas. The chorus is one instruction.
- 36
Le Banana Split
Lio · 1979 · 2:34YouTubeA French number one about a dessert served by the Abominable Snowman to a sixteen-year-old, who has since said what she thinks of it.
- 37
Veronika, der Lenz ist da
Comedian Harmonists · 1930 · 2:40YouTubeGermany's most beloved vocal group sang that spring had come and the "asparagus" was growing, and every German since has known which asparagus.
- 38
Cicerenella
Traditional (Naples) · 18th century · 3:30YouTubeAn eighteenth-century tarantella about a girl and the "rooster" she rides all night, sung across southern Italy by people who know what a rooster is.
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Asked
- What songs are secretly about a penis?
- The best known are Candy Shop, Lollipop, Whistle and Sledgehammer, none of which names the organ. On this ranking Whistle by Flo Rida comes first.
- What is a double entendre song?
- A song in which an innocent-sounding phrase carries a second, usually sexual, meaning that the listener supplies. The innocent meaning is what gets it on the radio.
- Did the artists admit it?
- Many did. Lady Gaga explained the disco stick, and Flo Rida said Whistle can be taken another way; Billy Squier still says The Stroke is about the music business. Each song page labels the meaning documented or interpreted.